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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Humorous Look At Government Warning Signs

This is another of those fun emails I got forwarded a long time back. The captions are hilarious and I guess the really bad drawings deserve such ridicule!

The email mentioned that these signs are on the government site www.ready.gov, but in my superficial rooting around on that site, I did not find these pictures (I am not too surprised since the email is 7 or 8 years old). I would have loved to read the government's own explanation for these signs. Maybe they took a look at this email when it was circulating, and decided to take the page down. In any case, I am glad I saved that email, so that I can share this classic with you all! Enjoy!!

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The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.



If you have set yourself on fire, do not run!If you have set yourself on fire, do not run!

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

If you lose a contact lens during an attack, do not stop to look for it.If you lose a contact lens during an attack, do not stop to look for it.

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
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