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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Quiz Answers To Make You Laugh Out Loud!

Test takerThis is a collection of real answers written by junior high, high school and college students in response to science quiz and test questions. You may not appreciate their knowledge of science, but you at least have to admire their creativity, and their ability to come up with explanations that seem to make sense, albeit in a non-scientific way!

I have tried classifying the answers by subject, but some answers just defy all classification! I hope you find them as hilarious as I did!!

First Aid and Other Advice

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.

For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
first aid kit
For fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

Animal Physiology
animal physiology
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Gray's Anatomy
The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five: a, e, i, o, and u.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana (or should this be in the Geography section?!)

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.

Plant Physiology
plant physiology
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German (maybe this should be in the Civics section!)

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Physics
physics
Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Chemistry
chemistry
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube

When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

Natural History
fossil
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Geography
geography
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Weather
weather
Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

Wind is like the air, only pushier.

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